Finally outside again

Yesterday I had a photoshoot outside with Tasha, a friend from cheer, and it was just beautiful outside. I'm talking B-E-A-U-tiful. And then today I just went outside with some headphones and just relaxed, thought of nothing and lost myself. Then it was time to snap back to reality, I got so caught up in the music I was late to sell yearbooks and sell cotton candy (cotton candy was today only) I did that for an hour then went to class which was short, then went back to selling. 3 hours of selling, then 2 hours to kill till class, work time. did Communication Technology and culture class essay. Still working on it almost done. It's interesting. I'm looking at how the internet has changed us as a generation and made us just sooo different from our parents. In the way we learn and are raised.
Anyways, I'm getting older, you realize that. I'm almost done my first year of university. I'm one step closer to the rest of my life, it's actually happening I'm growing up...
I was talking to will yesterday and we were just talking like we usually do and I was just sitting there listening to what he had to say and it made me think, It's almost like we're hitting another puberty in life, we're learning so much about ourselves by going through each of our respected programs, not just will and I but everyone of our friends. And I'm wondering, is the person that we're learning about really who we are? I've learned a lot about myself and have explored other sides of myself which I hadn't before...But is the picture I have of myself in my head who I really am? People see me different than who I think I am I know that, but is who I think I am really who I am? If that makes any sense at all...
I know what I'm supposed to do in life. I have no doubts that I'll be a photographer, but who will I be. Everyone is so worried about what they are going to be that they don;t care about who they are anymore. I think if you know who you are then you will know what you want to do. People just seem to have the wrong idea. They need to figure themselves out first and then you'll see what your ment to do. I know that it's harder than I'm saying it is but still that;s my advice.
As I tell people to figure themselves out I realize that I'm losing sight of who I am. After school is over I really need to take a look at myself again. But do I want to see the same thing? Talking to Will made me think about changing something, just to keep the mediocrity out of life. To change things, i dunno what i'll do to do this, Cut my hair short, get a piercing something along those lines, just so when i look in the mirror i'll see something differnet. I'm had this same shell for a long time, it's time for a change, I'm tried, not tired of myself just my shell.
I dunno what is distracting me or if i've just not cared lately, but i don't have any crushes or prospects. None, i mean i just don't think i'm in a place to have a relationship right now. And i don't even feel starved for affection, or human contact, my friends are all there with open arm if i'm feeling down. It's not that i'm mistaking friendships with a loving relationship but it's just not a priority for me right now. I remember a few months ago i wanted to be in a realtionship but right now and for the past few months i just haven't been interested.
I realize that i haven;t been interested but i haven;t noticed anyone trying to get close to me, and it makes me think, do people who just don't seem interested in being in a realtionship send out a vibe and people jsut know not to go there, i dunno maybe i'm crazy, not going to give any deep thought to that.
I mean if something came up i would gladly get involved, but i don;t want a meaningless realationship, you know me, and right now i guess i don't feel that i could be there for that person as much as i would usually be, right now i need to figure myself out. Hey, maybe this will all change once schools out. all i know is that either soon or later down the road Someone will come along, and when she does i'll be ready....

Back to work now,

-Pete-